BloodRayne

I'm not going to ride the wave of the now so popular and notorious swearing at Uwe when the guy is really doing his best to do so as well. The script and the dialogues are as if from the pen of a seven-year-old Special School pupil. The production design is so poor that one wonders what Uwe did with the 25 million dollar budget. As a result Boll compensates the poor visuals with frequent use of kitschy aerial shots of riders on horseback, but on the other hand the only positive thing is that he is not afraid to show blood, though the choreography of the fights is appalling. Michael Madsen and Ben Kingsley certainly knew what they had signed up for, so they don't even try to act. The former in particular looks as if he's about to take a nap at any moment, and Ben certainly won’t place his vampire Kagan alongside Gandhi and Itzhak Stern, his delivery is downright sedentary. Fortunately, there’s Kristanna Loken. She can act only slightly better than a porn actress, but I've had a soft spot for this hottie since Terminator 3, and in fact the only thing that helped me get through the hour and a half was a glimpse of her cleavage. The eloquent conclusion shows that a sequel was planned, which is certainly not imminent after a worldwide gross of about $3 million (ugh!). (31/03/2006)

A Norwegian model runs around in a medieval setting, dressed as a sexy dominatrix, trying to eliminate as many vampires as possible. of course, it’s under the direction of a German crew with Führer Boll, who decided to destroy Hollywood from its very core. It’s unimaginative, lengthy, lacks action, and above all boring. That’s because Boll is not good at even the most basic filmmaking disciplines, so it's hard to blame the actors for not doing much when they are obviously groping for what the scene is about. And then there’s the fact that the actors' lines contradict what is happening in the scenes (see the several times mentioned "rape and murder" of Rayne’s mother, which turns out to be a single stab with a dagger in a relatively illustrative flashback)... I really don't believe this will be a collector's item for perverted connoisseurs in 20 years. (29/03/2008)

How Uwe managed to be almost sympathetic with his harmless Alone in the Dark effort, I quickly change my mind after Bloodrayne. All the criticism and hatred is justified this time. The fight scenes are painful to watch, the camera movements from a distance unsuccessfully try to imitate The Lord of the Rings, and the actors are terrible, one worse than the other. Madsen looks like he doesn't understand where he ended up, Michelle Rodriguez has nothing to play, Ben Kingsley just recites his lines, and Billy Zane probably only came for a paycheck. Only Kristanna Loken remains with some dignity, even though she plays clumsily, at least she has a passionate scene with real intensity. How this could have become a multi-part saga, I will never understand. (27/07/2006)

Well... Hmm... It's not garbage, but it is a bad film. I was probably most disappointed by the departure from the PC game's story - I was expecting to see Rayne slicing the bodies of the Wehrmacht in slow motion, but alas. Mr Boll decided otherwise and tried (which was an effort that should be appreciated) to spice up the story with a classic revenge motif and a look at the vampire's origins. That his attempt failed is another matter. At least the film has cast so many familiar faces (how does he talk them into it?) and BloodRayne thus beckons the type-accurate Kristanna Loken in the lead role and the slimy Kingsley, the likable Madsen and the mega-creepy Meat Loaf or Kiera in supporting roles. I'm giving one star for the cast, a half star for a couple of funny scenes, and rounding up for the incredible fact that I finished this film and didn't find it to be insufferably idiotic. (22/11/2010)