Choose or Die

A forgotten computer game from the 1980s is killing people because it's cursed. What will players be willing to pay to win? Choose or Die is exactly as stupid a movie as its plot sounds. An underfunded horror film without a shred of wit, but most importantly without a single truly thrilling scene. It attempts to rip off genre classics, but does so with utter clumsiness and zero input from its own inventiveness. There is no reason to watch it. (18/04/2022)

The horror flop of the year so far. The film raised expectations that it was another variation on Saw and Jumanji, which is a rewarding horror theme that rarely disappoints, but I lost interest somewhere around the 15 minute mark. Netflix is about 50/50 with horror movies so far, but this is one is bad in perhaps every way. On the one hand, I'm glad that even bad movies are coming out, at least people will appreciate more horror movies like The Sadness, X and Eight for Silver, which are undoubtedly this year's hits. Choose or Die is a similar teen offshoot to that horror movie an app (I forget the name) where nothing really works properly, but a certain group of people will satisfied with it and will happily spread it further. The movie focuses a lot on just the two main characters, who aren't very interesting, and the game itself is downright meh and laughable. The quests and the actual nature of the game doesn't make much sense and in a lot of ways it feels unfinished and rushed. The gore is more or less absent, there are about three gory scenes, coincidentally very similar (blood coming out of a mouth), this can only really please the least discerning or those new to the genre today. There is no atmosphere or tension, the jump-scares are very predictable and ineffective. It doesn't build up anywhere and when the horror aspect doesn't work, it's not even funny let alone entertaining, in short a bad in every way. As background noise for cooking or cleaning it probably scores, but for an evening with a partner or alone no chance. Story 2/5. Action 1/5, Humor 1/5, Violence 1/5, Fun 2/5 Music 2/5, Visuals 2/5, Atmosphere 2/5, Suspense 2/5, Emotion 1/5, Actors 2/5. 2/10. (18/04/2022)

A dull piece of shit without invention and with visuals that would have been better in the 1980s. But it's worth sticking it out to the end – cinema may not have seen such a ridiculous villain vs hero duel. Netflix garbage in all its glory. (22/04/2022)