Necrotongue

Another wild ride from Kevin Smith, who, let's be honest, has a knack for serving up absolute lunacy. From dark humor to downright idiocy, he covers the spectrum in this one. The film's theme is twisted, to say the least. And while that wouldn't be a problem in itself, I found myself desperately waiting for something to jolt me awake for the most part. As for the rest of the movie, just forget about logic. Even a layman like me can tell you that some of the stuff just wouldn't fly. And then came Johnny Depp as Guy Lapointe, and it all went downhill from there. I initially thought I'd toss it a generous three stars, but two will more than suffice. / Lesson learned: Justin Long might've just found his life's role.

Japan is a land of contrasts, a place where ancient traditions coexist with the bustling energy of modern life. On one hand, there's the Japan of old, with its samurais, the Bushido code, and a shadowy underworld of the mafia. On the other, there's the vibrant, neon-lit Japan of today, brimming with anime and absorbing Western influences like a sponge. It's a cultural collision that can leave even the most seasoned traveler feeling like they've stumbled upon a sushi roll with a bit of everything thrown in. In this film, it feels like the director and screenwriter were among those foreigners, trying to cram every Japanese trope they'd ever heard of into one movie – and it didn't quite hit the mark. With borrowed elements from various action flicks such as Nikita, it struggled to find its own identity, leaving me skeptical from the get-go. Despite its shortcomings, I found myself oddly drawn to the film's often creative approach to violence. For maximum enjoyment, I recommend turning off your logic switch and embracing the chaos. / Lesson learned: Avoid touching anyone or anything affected by radiation! 3*-

Normally, I'd find myself wavering between two or three stars, but... The expectedly predictable plot took a slightly more intricate turn, albeit not without its flaws. I couldn't help but notice the creators' intentions peeking through, which dampened the surprise factor a tad. Still, I'll give credit where it's due — a well-intentioned effort deserves recognition. Gone are the days when Canadian thrillers were on the level of German comedies/porn —thankfully. Surprisingly, I found myself thoroughly enjoying the film, reveling in its grisly depiction of human anatomy being squished into blood puddles. While I wouldn't classify it as a horror per se, it delivered on the thrills, complete with the obligatory illogical character behaviors. But hey, that's part of the fun, right? / Lesson learned: You never know what will make you put on weight.

Ballerina had the potential to shine much brighter, but the Korean creators seemed to get lost in meaningless scenes instead of injecting more wild action, a livelier pace, and better camera work. While the story didn't break new ground – revenge journeys are a dime a dozen – I found the main heroine likable in her laconic demeanor, and the decent kill count kept things interesting, despite the often sluggish pace. Still, these elements weren't enough to earn a rating higher than three stars. However, I was pleased by the absence of unnecessary melodrama. In that regard, the creators made a wise choice, making it all the more disappointing that they faltered in other areas. / Lesson learned: Don't go running down corridors with a chainsaw revving.

Sadly, this thriller lacked tension, which is a crucial element for the genre. It was actually the romantic subplot that held the most weight for me, especially with Alexandra Masangkay's compelling portrayal as an incredibly charming Filipino character. Despite some captivating moments, the overall tension was lacking, and while the action sequences were visually appealing, they didn't quite hit the mark. However, delving into the workings of secret services added an intriguing layer, shedding light on how various secret organizations can make life miserable for people who are deemed inconvenient. Overall, the film failed to meet my expectations, delivering a lukewarm and somewhat dull experience. / Lesson learned: Having a webcam at home might just save the day.

Right from the start, the opening music felt like a blow to the head, setting the tone for what would become a series of disappointments. Once again, Netflix stuck to its formula, introducing a gay character that made my eyes roll harder than a medieval cartwheel. The plot stumbled through logical gaps, Albion felt strangely condensed (or maybe someone was using teleportation?), and key characters seemed to vanish into thin air. The fourth and fifth seasons pale in comparison to the series' former glory, and this one feels like the final nail in the coffin. / Lesson learned: Don't expect miracles, brace yourself for disappointment.

What's particularly disappointing is that the creators obviously had a bigger budget to work with, but oddly enough, this seemed to harm the quality of the writing. There were moments where I genuinely felt sorry for how clumsily certain plot twists were resolved. / Lesson learned: Money can't buy talent.

The finale of this season was a letdown in certain respects. While I appreciated how Uhtred's story came full circle, I couldn't overlook some glaring issues in the lead-up to it. The siege scene, in particular, reminded me of the dynamic duo of Benioff/Weiss, who often employed questionable tactics in the battle scenes in Game of Thrones. In this instance, about fifteen men attacked the gate with a battering ram, while the rest of the army seemed to be waiting around. Plus, the brave king failed to realize he could've sent some men to the woods to tie up some ladders, so they all stood around like workers waiting for the morning bus. The show has definitely seen better days.

It's hard to tell if I'm reviewing the entire series or just its first season at this point. Nonetheless, the finale certainly left the door wide open for a potential second season, and I wouldn't mind seeing it. While this season may not be a masterpiece, the creators delivered a fresh, action-packed spectacle with a B-movie vibe based on the comic. It kept me entertained without overwhelming me mentally. / Lesson learned: Two heads are better than one. 3*+

The finale didn't quite match the quality of the fourth episode, but I was relieved to see the creators steer away from overthinking and dive back into the realm of cheap splatter films, a tone that suits this series perfectly. I wasn't interested in pondering the origins of the open heads or their trajectory in the sixth episode; I simply wanted to revel in another round of action-packed carnage without taxing my remaining brain cells. And that's exactly what I got. / Lesson learned: Sometimes, appearances can be deceiving. 4*-