Necrotongue

I had a dilemma about whether to give this three or four stars because, just like The Bishop's Wife (1947), the film contained humor typical of its time of creation, which I'm not crazy about. Most importantly, I found the story impossible to believe. It was too far-fetched for my liking. Apart from these negatives, the movie also had its positives. Although it suffered from a naive plot, it didn't affect the excellent acting performances, which, along with the great dialogue, were a source of good entertainment. I enjoyed the movie; there's no doubt about that, but the weird story spoiled it for me. But, as they say, you should respect old age, so I'll give it a weak four stars. / Lesson learned: If a woman approaches you and you are not accompanied by your lawyer, quickly increase the distance to avoid becoming the target of a lawsuit any time between a week and twenty years. 4*-

That it would be a psychological horror was clear to me the moment it turned out that more than one psychologist appeared in it. That it would be an interesting horror became clear during the course of the plot. There was a great atmosphere and tension. The jump scares didn't look as dumb as they usually do. Even though it was sometimes quite gory, gore didn't function as the main instrument of fear. However, the movie also has its drawbacks. The first one is more of a pet peeve of mine because I don't like the actress in the leading role. What was worse was that, although the story tried to look original, I have seen something similar a couple of times. It was like Fallen (1998); only whistling was replaced with smiling. I also don't get why filmmakers don't consult advisors for scenes involving knives. All that stabbing in the sternum and ribs as if it were soft butter is pathetic. Despite all my reservations, I enjoyed myself throughout the movie, which unfortunately doesn't happen to me often with horror movies. P.S. A very nice attempt at a Schrödinger's cat:-) / Lesson learned: If you tend to be jumpy, just use plastic dishes. If you also care about the environment, go for wood.

I want to emphasize that I have nothing against art. Then again, I am not an art lover, so I only like paintings that I don't need an expert to interpret for me or a three-hundred-page book to understand what I'm supposed to see. I'm not a fan of painters like Pollock or Picasso. I also don't understand spending enormous amounts of money on paintings that end up in security vaults because only a lunatic would hang them on the wall of their luxurious villa. This is why I didn't think the movie would appeal to me (although Repin painted with a technique I can understand). However, this slow Finnish movie kept reminding me of something, and I couldn't figure out what it was. And then it hit me. It was a variation of Moby Dick. Olavi spent his whole life trying to catch his Moby Dick, which turned out to be an unsigned painting of Christ. The movie had a perfectly gloomy atmosphere and a decent story. I made it to the end despite the extremely slow pace and simple plot. Or maybe because of it. / Lesson learned: A nightmare often begins by fulfilling your lifelong dream.

As an atheist (or a pagan, if you will), I refuse to acknowledge the Almighty; the members of his flock give me the creeps, and I can't stand the shepherds. Nevertheless, I found myself enjoying this movie because the angel in it put me in a good mood. It was a pleasant watch, and even though the plot focused on the only true values, which I usually don't appreciate, I made an exception because that's what I do with Christmas movies. I enjoyed myself, smiling almost the whole time. The only thing that didn't age very well was the humor in the scene with Sylvester skating. / Lesson learned: Neglecting your family? Watch out for the angel.

What a dose of melancholy. Luckily, it was diluted by a good dose of my favorite kind of humor. Kath didn't get much space this time, but she made the most of it, and Parkinson made me burst out laughing. I was once again confirmed that sports can seriously damage your health, and the dialogue in the hospital room was hilarious. Yeah, Ricky Gervais can still write a great episode, but I don't think it will ever surpass the first season. / Lesson learned: Enjoy every single day of your life. Even the depressing ones.

I'm not going to pretend that the movie blew me away because it didn't. The fourth star goes to the brilliantly cast lead couple. You can't go wrong with Sam Rockwell, and I really enjoyed Saoirse Ronan in the role of the eager Constable Stalker. At first, it seemed like it could be great fun, but the movie started losing momentum about halfway through. Considering how excited I was in the beginning, I was ultimately quite disappointed, but it certainly wasn't a waste of time. / “What part of France are you from, sir?” "Belgium." / Lesson learned: In shootouts, also take a crossbow in case your revolver fails. 4*-

This movie has all the shortcomings typical of 90s action movies. And there were quite a few. But it also has that 90s charm that I miss nowadays. Actually, I miss action movies, period. These days, it's always the same story - fighting against global terrorism, Russian criminals of all kinds, full of exaggerated CGI. What happened to the good old aliens? I guess that would be too politically incorrect. What you usually get now are creatures like those in Jupiter Ascending (2015), but you hardly see awesome aliens with tentacles like in Japanese anime porn. That's probably the main reason (along with the striking Natasha Henstridge) why I enjoyed rewatching this movie so much. It goes without saying that my rating and review are purely subjective, but I must strongly warn anyone who reads it against any hasty decisions. If you are tempted to watch this movie, please realize that its value is strictly nostalgic. It mostly consists of action, sci-fi, logical holes, violence towards children, inappropriately (but beautifully) exposed Natasha Henstridge, and artificial-looking underground spaces. Initially, I wanted to give it four stars, but as a protest against today's standards, I'll give it a five. / Lesson learned: If you decide to breed aliens, do not neglect their upbringing and education.

I had concerns about this sequel to a great movie, and it turned out that they were justified. The creators needed to connect to the previous storyline, so they had no choice but to repeat the same process with a different character in a shorter time, which obviously didn't impress me much. To add something new, an investigation was launched, which brought some action. However, the biggest problem was the resignation to create an atmosphere similar to the original movie. Sure, there were ulcers, there were worms, there was necrosis, and self-surgeries like in the Terminator, but they didn't have the desired effect. Even if it hadn't been for that, I still wouldn't be satisfied because I didn't get important answers regarding the main villain. What about his immunity? Where did the virus come from? I understand that the creators didn't want to delve into answers that would be much more complicated than the story itself and that their ambitions weren't high, but then they should have taken a different path because they walked into a knife. Like Alice...

I'm not an ageist when it comes to movies. In fact, I feel that current movies often lack a story and function more as a showcase of CGI effects of varying quality and intensity. I was expecting a simple but entertaining story from this movie, a fast-paced, funny plot with dialogue full of quality humor, but I was slightly disappointed. The first hour bored me in places because not much was happening, the humor did not always appeal to me (although Alfred's deadpan one-liners were great), and the conversations were not as lively as I had hoped. All of this changed after an hour, and in the last third, the spark that had been missing until then finally appeared, and the humor started working. But the change came too late for me to give it a four-star rating. / Lesson learned: I have always thought something was suspicious about Lieutenant Columbo's wife.

I have mixed feelings about this horror movie. On the one hand, the creators created a quality atmosphere instead of just sending a group of high school students out to be exterminated in a given time and space. On the other hand, I was disappointed by the excessive use of jump scares in the first story. They were so frequent that you could turn them into a drinking game. If you had to take a shot each time there was a jump scare; I don't think many people would last until the second (and in my opinion) better part of the movie. Besides the jump scares, I was also annoyed by the hallucinatory states, which don't just contaminate movies and TV shows but also video games (for example, Far Cry is full of them). But as I already said, the second story was completely different, and I found it much more enjoyable. Overall, it was definitely not a waste of time, which, unfortunately, is often the case with horror movies. / Lesson learned: You can always tell a witch by how she eats apples in an oddly unsettling way.