lamps

It don’t know, wasn’t this supposed to be fun? Not even Bela Tarr would make such a storyless film like this. And yet, the conflict between mad neo-Nazis and an angry mother from an old folks home sounded so promising. An incredibly unoriginal and restrained Troma.

A very typical 1980s action flick where everything is so stupid that it’s impossible to look away. The premise of “one bloke with a knife against a whole army” is something that golden decade gave us many times, but Ted Prior in jean shorts has no competition. The part when he hides from an armed to the teeth military unit in a fallen tree about two metres high, I started laughing like I hadn’t in a long time. Those were movies, mate!

Bizarrely attractive, especially with regards of how E.T.: The Extra-Terrestrial would look like if... Well, we could come up with lots of ifs, but none of them would make Mac look good (and that includes Alan Silvestri’s music, which is the best thing in the film, but can’t hold a candle to Williams). The ugly alien is at least quite funny (especially if you stick it into a vacuum cleaner), the girl next door is very pretty and the McDonald’s ad is great, though completely taken out of context. I’m giving it 2* on account of it not being offensive for young children (only for adults).

The notoriously unsuccessful lawyer Lionel Hutz was right to sue The NeverEnding Story for fraudulent advertising, but the surprising finiteness of the film is also it’s only weakness. I don’t know any other family fantasy movie that manages to be entertaining, moving and truly thrilling with the same boldness, and everything with unforgettable settings and under a confident direction that masterfully builds every scene. Doldinger’s music is also good, the make-up effects are brilliant and to this day, this must be the best blend of two fictional worlds that complement each other. After the excellent Das Boot, Petersen did a another great job in the 80s, only to show his back to Hollywood for a second time.

Utter guilty pleasure. There are some passages that made me want to stab my eyes and pour hot wax into my ears, but as whole, it’s a relentless barrage of insane ideas on an incredibly bold scale that the creators can’t handle very well, so they resort to cheap video-clip montages, but you will certainly not be bored. The story is as stupid as you can expect and it doesn’t have the satirical drive of the first Iron Sky, but you can take it as a sincere gift from a fan to the fans of cheeky indie B-movies (blood splattering, sharks flying, planes falling, nice boobs shaking and sex that always ends very brutally by the tactless intervention of Nazi zombies, plus a plane cut in half very imaginatively with a barbed wire as a bonus). Marc Fehse doesn’t know how to work with music, it’s awful, a pig’s breakfast without any sense, but who cares, it’s pretty good fun and it looks better than anything from Asylum. 50%

Meh. A high-quality premise drowned in the traditionally flat style of the Polish art school. The best part are the opening and final scenes, they are staged in an original way and pulse with the life denied by the rest of the cold story. The ideas are nice and pretty strong at times, but it all looks as if only mindless individuals without any spark were moving in front of the camera. A very standard festival flick that unfortunately leans too much on the safe side and with a thematic simplicity that can never get close to Haneke’s The White Ribbon. 65%

A very pointless romantic movie and a poor imitation of Love Actually that lacks the dramatic lightness, humour and emotion of its British predecessor. It obviously had to be packed with known faces, otherwise nobody would have given a toss about such a shabby script. I just don’t understand how De Niro, Swank and Pfeiffer could go for it (though, it’s not that surprising considering their work in the last decade).

Above-par for the standards of its genre. What I appreciate the most are the carefully developed relationships between the characters, which are meaningfully portrayed and at least in one moment they produce a pleasant screenwriting surprise. I have a weak spot for the bleakness of Nordic forests, and Nikolai is great, a bloke who overgrows this small production. It’s a pity that at times it’s missing a dose of realism, that the sheriff was insufficiently used considering her potential, and that the reveal of the killer was the result of pure chance, though at the right time. There are many good things about The Silencing, but with a bit more effort it could have been a little better. 70%

For me, unfortunately, one of the most boring big movies in recent years. I don’t know why someone smart like Clooney would want to waste time adapting such a weak plot, and I really can’t see why anyone should justify his efforts. The story could have been packed into 30 minutes without any harm being done – there weren’t even as many nice images as I expected. Emotions and psychology at freezing point, enough said.

Maybe if some day I watch the original Superman movies and the naive and colourful comic-book flicks from the 80s and 90s, I will be able to appreciate this one as beautifully nostalgic and intentionally campy trash, but right now, other than the massive naivete and the contrived retro atmosphere, I don’t see anything special that would leave me flabbergasted in the good sense of the word; maybe only the celebrated parting of the love-birds, which some day may be seen as the most bizarre farewell of this mad 2020. Otherwise, I wonder how long Gal Gadot can keep on compensating her lack of acting talent with her inimitable beauty – in roles like this, it will still take some time. 50%