Malarkey

Sometimes you work hard in your garden, your whole body hurts and so you feel like kicking back with a movie after lunch, even if the movie is stupid. This was more than stupid. Under normal circumstances, I would rate it as trash, but since I genuinely laughed from the heart in certain moments, I would feel awkward if I didn’t bestow one star upon this movie.

I must admit, the movie can thank Léa Seydoux for participating in the film. Her role managed to put me under such a spell that I had no problem watching this otherwise quite dreamily boring sci-fi romantic flick to the end. Otherwise, it was quite boring, but at times it caught your attention with visions of the near future, but not in a way that would make me burst with joy and enthusiasm.

A Jewish comedy full of Jewish themes, Jewish practices, and and different Jewish jokes from those that we, as non-Jews, are used to. It’s teeming with Pesachs, Sabbats, and god knows what else, and a number of well-known actors took part in the film. While it is a little incomprehensible to me, this movie will probably have its fans. I am not one of them, though. It was quite boring.

Did you play computer games? Does the sequel to the legendary Wolfenstein 3D called Return to Castle Wolfenstein sound familiar to you? That’s exactly what this film evoked in me. A completely crazy filmmaking trip, a bit nasty in the style of The Thing but otherwise a solid small-scale film which is by no means perfect, but it can entertain fans of this type of movies. Under normal circumstances, I would rate it even higher, but I was missing a bit more catchphrases that would entertain me. It seems as if writing quality catchphrases nowadays is more difficult than during the 1980s and 1990s.

I’ve been thinking about watching the series Dark, produced by the Netflix Internet television, for quite some time. The theme looked nicely mysterious. But the result is not entirely what I imagined it would be. The first episode of the first season looked as if it was shot by lovers of Twin Peaks. I was never sure about what was going on in the series, but I was constantly fascinated by the locations and especially fascinated by the cinematography, which was oozing with an atmosphere as harsh as Indiana Jones’s whip. Until about the sixth episode I didn’t know why I should be excited about a series that I don’t really understand, which has a great premise but totally sloppy characters and otherwise looks wannabe cool and stylish. From the seventh episode, the plot thickened and everything started to somehow fit together. But since I didn’t actually care about the flat characters, even when there was seemingly interesting stuff happening, I couldn’t really get up to speed with the series. The Dark series maybe has an interesting plot, but otherwise, it’s hollow, like an empty swallows’ nest. For me personally, a great pity and it just confirms the fact that it is not easy to film something that is mysterious from both a technical and spiritual stand point.

Finally, once again something I can call a completely crazy film-making trip. And after a long while, something directed by the Finns, who, when they express themselves in a comedy, are simply worth it. Dark humor is intertwined with absurd humor and everything is under the rule of a brutal death pagan folk black metal band from a place near Oulu, which plays as if Odin himself sent them to Earth, but nobody has really heard them play yet. There is a ton of references, some of them are pop culture ones, so you have to know the metal subculture a bit; at least in terms of music choices, which create an absolutely magnificent soundtrack. But there is also a number of scenes that are universal and can entertain even those not fond of metal music. They are just a little bit darker than would be desirable. But what can you do, that’s the Finns for you. When they do something, they do it until they are sweating blood, and either it doesn’t work or it’s brutally entertaining. And here it worked perfectly; an A+ movie.

Not bad at all for a debut. I really enjoyed the scenes in the taxi. They had suspense, great acting and atmosphere. But once the creators jumped out of the cab, it was as if the quality of the film lowered drastically. I literally felt embarrassed when watching one of the scenes from the police station. I don’t know, I am not a filmmaker, but I admit that I can’t understand how a film can at one moment seem like a pro thriller and then you are confronted with a soap-opera-like scene. Well, what can you do? As a whole, Taxi 121 may be inconsistent, but it still intrigued me in many ways. And that’s definitely something when it comes to a debut.

One is bullied, the other one is disabled. Here, the Dutch were doing it a bit pell-mell. And I actually have to say that they were doing great. An exemplary family drama filmed with great care, which builds a good reputation for the Netherlands.

I don’t even know what I was expecting from this one. It was supposed to be a romance and it was a romance. Nothing more, nothing less. Perhaps I was just hoping that if nothing else, the film would offer decent acting. I was especially curious about Matthias Schoenaerts. For me, he is the most significant figure in contemporary European cinema and rightfully so, given the performances he delivers in European films. Only, the film was the kind of European romance which had no interesting elements except for the locations. Everybody is sweeter than honey even though they’re plagued by misery and adversities. An old lady might cry but I didn’t.

Under different circumstances this would be a fairly solid European drama narrated by wacky storytelling. But since the creators gave the final say to two morons, it ended up as one of the dumbest films I’ve seen in quite a while. And it’s not only those two, it’s the whole concept which has no logic behind it, let alone an idea. At first, the girl is quite spontaneous at the disco, but gradually she turns into a thoughtless bimbo, who could really use a trip to the military service of Israel to be taken off her mental high horse. The dude, however, is stupid from the beginning and you don’t even expect anything special from him. I only finished it because I wanted to see where it was going. But you can already guess that since I gave it two stars, it didn’t really get any better.